I hope this depression leaves and I'm left with clarity. I am on the verge of either gaining or losing everything. Sometimes I wish none of this had ever happened. Maybe if I hadn't met Alejandro, I would have just stayed in Spain and I could have felt comfortable in settling even though things weren't perfect. I could have maybe fought the negative thoughts, or at least put them in the back of my mind. I have to have faith that maybe God had a reason for us to meet and maybe he/she did not intentionally want me to suffer like this. I love someone already, and I feel like I am falling in love with another person at the same time. It doesn't sound like suffering, but on a scale of 1-10, it feels like a 9. I'm hurting one person, possibly hurting another, definitely hurting myself.
Plaguing questions:
What if I already have a fairytale and I just can't appreciate it because I'm always looking for more? What if I can't be satisfied?
Why can't I get him out of my head?
Am I being too dramatic? I don't feel like I am overreacting. This is my life here in limbo.
Here's a good old 90's tune that once helped women everywhere justify acting like indecisive assholes:
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