Unprepared

I literally have a hole in my suitcase. Awesome.

Well, as you can see, the packing situation is not as successful as I would like it to be. I have a hole in my faithful suitcase, my camera-battery charger didn't arrive on time (I left mine in Mexico), and thanks to my handy travel weight (best bday present ever from the Mama!) I can see my luggage is about 3 pounds below the weight limit.

I just need to breathe. Relax. Why do I feel so unprepared for the next three months? I have this feeling that my life is about to change dramatically and I have no idea if that is in a positive or negative way.

I miss having an iPod. I need to get with the 21st century and get a phone I can put music on...hopefully the internet will work this time on the bus. 

My friend Candy (lol), brought up an interesting point. She asked me what would happen if this blog actually developed a readership and Julian found out about it. I didn't really even consider that until I looked at the stats and saw that people from various locations are actually reading this. 

Umm....well that would suck, shit would hit the fan, it would be horrible. I don't really know what else to say. 

I am kind of regretting giving the link out now because before it just felt like I was freely writing and now that I know certain people are reading (namely Alejandro) I don't feel like I can spew my craziness on here as easily as I did before. Maybe once we stop talking it will reappear...don't worry...my insanity will be back for your entertainment...and I have a limitless supply, so yeah....

I talked to Julian yesterday and we actually had a really good conversation. I miss him. I miss us just hanging out, we really do have fun together. Even though things didn't go well the last time he was here, we truly had a good time exploring together in the Mayan Riviera. He is a comfort to me. I can't explain what is going on with me. I feel like my heart is a teeter-todder and my feelings are shifting from one side to the other. I truly want both Julian and Alejandro to be happy even if that means with someone else.

Time to go to Chicago, here's some of my mood music....