She is a big fan of Julian and when I first told her about Alejandro, her response was well, she didn't sound too enthused. My good friend is never judgmental with me, especially since for some reason, we are usually enduring the same things at the same time. So on our blanket laden with beer cans, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and a slight stutter from the alcohol, and told me how much she wanted me to be happy and that I hadn't sounded this happy, in a long time. I wanted to cry, and almost did, because well you (whoever you are) know that I cry at the drop of a hat. I think I'm getting better about that though. Then she said she would like to talk to him via Skype, which sent me over the moon.
I was so busy getting emotional on the rooftop, that I forgot about time and didn't chat with Senor FG himself at our prearranged time. It feels kind of weird that we are not in constant communication. Although today (to my delight) he sat there from work and faced off on the computer with my friend and I. I was nervous because I expected her to be slightly cold to him (naturally because she's on team Julian) yet he was able to charm her, and of course, I was elated. I can't help but wonder what it would have been like if he just showed up here. Would it have been like in the movies? Would I have known it was him all along? Or would I have felt worse? I guess I can only figure out by seeing both of them face to face. Whatever it is I am supposed to feel, I hope I feel it like a lightning bolt.
She also brought up a very interesting point.
My Friend: You started a blog where you share your innermost thoughts and feelings and you gave a guy (who is not your fiance) the link.
Me: Uh... (mouth slightly ajar, eyebrows waggled) yeah...
Julian on the other hand I am kind of wondering about. Lately I've noticed that he's been adding very attractive girls to his Facebook account (girls who live in Barcelona) and he has not been writing me emails. I am starting to wonder if there is something going on. Also, I have it on the highest authority that Julian kissed another girl, within the first few months of us being together. I obviously can't say much at this point but it did sort of sting a little, mostly because I sort of knew the girl. Oh also, he didn't do it because he liked her, he did it because apparently he'd always wanted to know what it would be like to kiss a fat girl. If you knew Julian's humor you would understand why that sort of makes sense. I always joke that when I see him he constantly shoves food in my face because he wants me to gain weight. He doesn't deny it by the way.
So... I found out that Julian is not perfect either and even though it stung to feel like the idiot who didn't know, I feel sort of less guilty about what is going on with Alejandro. I know his transgression wasn't as bad as mine since we weren't engaged, but all in all...he's no Saint Julian.
Chicago has been quite relaxing so far and I miss this neighborhood so much. I get that same old Chicago feeling I used to get living here. I saw another old friend today who now has a little baby and I thought about the three of us and the direction our lives were taking. Crazy how a period of seconds, minutes, and hours can change everything. I thought about what would happen if I went to Barcelona and by accident and got pregnant. Yikes.
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| Six Corners in Wicker Park |
It suddenly got chilly here and the rain keeps pouring down, adding to my drowsiness. Today I noticed a lot of teenagers roaming the neighborhood and then realized it was because of the teacher's strike. That is why they all seem so pleasant and free looking, as if it were the beginning of summer. Seriously though, hell yeah teacher's union!
Also, my friend and I saw another person from the past, waiting at the bus stop, our friend's old, creepy neighbor who was from Poland, and may have killed someone in the past. He's grown his hair out now and he stared at us with this crazy look in his eye as we walked down the street. I just kept thinking about how living here felt like a past life and even though I'd love to live here again, I know it could never be the same.
Since it has been raining here all night, here is a little rain/mood inspired music:
"Puede ser que venga mañana sin tardar, puede ser que tengas que esperar
un dolor no toca a tu puerta sino más, hay que salir a recibirlo sin pensar"
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