What about what I want?

After watching Audrey Hepburn throw herself at both William Holden and Humphrey Bogart in the movie Sabrina, I thought about how desperate she was and how acceptable the whole thing must have seemed to an audience watching the movie back in the day. Is there any woman as poised as Audrey Hepburn? She was so freaking beautiful.
I started thinking about the two handsome men I've been in love with and how pathetic I may seem to other girls. Here I go moving to Germany for Julian, then there I go moving to Barcelona for Julian, now here I am considering moving to Mexico for Alejandro. It never occurred to me that maybe they should be moving somewhere for me. What about what I want? Where do I want to be? Out of anywhere in the world, where would I choose? Actually I already know....here. I started to think about what lengths they would go to. Would any guy do that? Maybe not...but somehow according to them I'm supposed to follow and that is what makes a great, adventurous, love-stricken girlfriend. Then a thought occurred to me and depressed me...would either of them really go anywhere for me? Humphrey Bogart did in the end, but only because his brother sort of tricked him into it. I guess he loved her, but he had an odd way of showing it. It wouldn't have been enough for me. Both Julian and Alejandro said yes they'd follow me on separate occasions, but actions speak louder than words and between the two of them, I'm the only one that has actually put my money where my mouth is. Another thought came to my mind that lead to a  hopeless state of dejection and another hour of Sheryl Crow music....Julian never asked me back. He never begged me to come back...he cried when I left...but he let me go. The only thing he has said is "don't talk to me unless you want to get back together." Everything is so black and white with him. I'm sick of guys making everything black and white. Marry me or we're never talking again, move to mexico or we won't work out. Why does it have to be like that?? I'm not ready to make any concrete decisions that affects my whole life. What if I just want to live in peace by the sea and forget about all my problems among the fish and waves? Would either of them bother to join me if I asked? I'm sick of these hypothetical questions. I guess. I sometimes feel like maybe I should just run away and forget both of them, but I am in love with Alejandro and I still have not let go of my love for Julian. I wish they had rehab for girls who fall in love too easily...ultimately in the end I don't know if either of them would uproot their lives for me.
Now that my class will be coming to a close soon, I need to start thinking about where I'm going to go because staying in the mid-west is NOT happening. Meh...back to lesson planning. One more week of this!