On the Road

Ugh.... what is that? What is that familiar feeling that seems to grab me by the throat and gently squeeze until it feels like I haven't been able to breathe for several minutes and am on the verge of fainting? Oh yes, that's right, the feeling I get every time I go back to Ohio after having an awesome time somewhere much better. I know it is only temporary and that now I am actually qualified for jobs all over the world, but I can't help but slump down in my bus seat and secretly hope this bus is headed for New Orleans or Miami or Austin instead. Sometimes I wish I could be a modern-day Jack Kerouac and roam around the earth without any direction and a pen as my only true friend. I couldn't do that, who am I kidding?
Here I sit, pondering the meaning of my life, with shoddy internet service, a backache from sleeping in an awkward position, and a half eaten banana as my only travel companion. Whenever I travel, I find that I have an enormous amount of time to think. You all probably know how bad of a thing that is for me because I'm too neurotic for my own good. As much as I try to live in the moment, concentrate on breathing, read books about consciousness, one way or another when I have too much time to think, I turn myself into a nervous wreck. I'm a little too tired to do that right now but I am wondering how tomorrow will go when I finally talk to Julian. I'm scared. I'm scared that I will miss him so much that I might say something rash and make a decision I wasn't ready to make, I'm scared he will be mean, I'm scared he will have moved on, I'm scared of us feeling like strangers.

I'm confused about Alejandro as well. Something doesn't seem the same between us, I don't know what it is exactly but it kind of scares me too. I don't really know what exactly is going on, I feel like sometimes we are hitting a wall or maybe it is just me. Maybe we are just getting comfortable. Wait, that isn't supposed to happen yet...right? I'm worried he doesn't feel the same.
Check out my amazing view...
Oh midwest, how I loathe you..