I have to say that things have been pretty good lately. I am enjoying living with my old buddy again and even though I'm broke, I'm relatively happy right now! I don't even mind the hour long commute up north to get to class. I really like all the people in my class, the tutor is a competent Aussie, and things are going very well with Alejandro. Ale-alejandro, just thinking about him makes the butterflies in my stomach start to flap their tiny, little wings! I wish I could talk to someone else who is falling in love so I could wax on about how adorable, and fun, and sweet he is! Every single time I get a message from him I feel like my heart skips a beat. I catch myself thinking about him in class and I have to pull myself back and concentrate. I spend countless cell phone minutes checking my messages or drunk dialing him or regular dialing him. I even saved one of the voicemails he left me on my phone and from time to time if I am missing his sexy voice I listen to it. Ahhh....someone who feels like this tell me how to cope! I get lost imagining us curled up on a couch watching a movie, or kissing on a beach in Acapulco, or surprising him in his office. Ohh I love this feeling and hate it all at the same time. I saw he was tagged in a picture online and for some reason I thought it was recent and you guessed it there were girls and it was in a club and I freaked out....I'm crazy...definitely over a year ago was said picture taken. Yikes! I need to get a grip.
You are probably wondering about Julian. Yes there are still thoughts of Julian. I still miss him even though I have fallen in love with someone else. He was a huge part of my life and it is hard to let go. I am still trying to let go completely and it is still difficult when I think about all of the memories we had together. I have realized what I want...still...it sometimes still hurts very deeply.
The only thing I'm kind of worried about is tomorrow. Tomorrow is when Alejandro is supossed to find out whether or not he is getting promoted. If he is promoted it would be amazing for him. It would be an amazing career opportunity and yes, he would have to move to Mexico City. Mexico City.... Mexico City? Ugh. So when I think of moving to delightful Mexico, Mexico City is not at the top of my list. It is much closer to the bottom of the list...not quite as far down as Tijuana or Juarez...but down there. If it wasn't already clear, I've realized that I've fallen in love with Alejandro and I want to be with him. However, would I move to a place where I really don't want to live just for him? Most of you reading will probably be screaming, "NO! Don't move for a guy!" The thing is, I honestly have no idea what to do. I would at this point move to Puebla. I generally like Puebla, I have family there, I could learn to eventually drive there I guess, but Mexico City? When you fly into Mexico City you mistake the dark cloud of pollution for a storm. Once in traffic, I observed a cab driver driving with his knees while eating a bowl of cereal. Oh and there are guns, military guys driving around in the backs of trucks with them, eye-balling you as you go past. Sure there are beautiful parts of Mexico City too (if you are rich I guess you spend time there) and granted if he got this position it would turn him into "Alejandro Grey," but would I ever love it? Probably not. I love him and I would love being with him but would I be able to be happy living there? He would be working a lot and I would probably be working too and 70% of the day I would be out and about dealing with Mexico City life. The other thing is that moving there would mean my family and friends freaking out on me. I can imagine the conversation now...
Mother: YOU'RE DOING WHAT?!
Me: I'm moving to Mexico City.
Mother: So you are not only moving in with a guy you barely know, you are moving to a horribly polluted, dangerous, huge city for him. He is going to have a good deal.
Me: Well, we are planning on getting married someday.
Laughter......
More Laughter.....
Mother: YEAH RIGHT!
The other conversations would be slightly different but I know this would be the general feedback from friends and family. Not all, but many.
It would be a life change, a huge life change. It wouldn't be like moving to Germany for a year, this would have to be the kind of change where I knew I would be okay ending up there for a long time, with him...married...someday with kids...the whole shabang. Wow...that is a lot to think about...perhaps too much for tonight!
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