When Alejandro left, I allowed myself to absorb all that happened. I thought perhaps my brain would implode from the combination of thousands of words that bounced around my skull all weekend or from the multitude of times I hit my head on the headboard...well I guess it was just a wall...still. Like I mentioned, it was all very intense and very emotional and I just think I needed time to process it all, which I have been doing. I think sometimes when you are really tired (like I was) that neurotic part of your brain shuts down and for a brief period of time just allows you to chill the fuck out. I did that. For two days I went into zombie mode.
Alejandro took a different route and went into straight-up-neurotic-Chepina-mode.
He became upset seeing the signs of my withdrawl and for a while I just didn't even care about making a decision. I just zoned out a little bit.
I talked to him on skype and saw actual emotion in his eyes. He looked stressed, nervous, worried. He began to pour his heart out to me and somehow I began to talk about the last three years and I began to cry. I cried and talked and he listened and he talked and suddenly I felt so connected to him...on a much deeper level. It had nothing to do with passion or lust or jokes. It felt real. He began to show me exactly what I had hoped for...depth into the mystery that is Alejandro.
We also discussed the blog I wrote about him which he was definitely displeased with. When I saw his face through the computer screen, he looked sad. He began to open up about me, about his family, about his 7 year relationship. Though I could tell he was uncomfortable, he just let it come out. He looked so sad, so vunerable, so pained. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him in a way that had nothing to do with sex. It was at that moment that I knew that the feeling I had when I first met him was not just some feeling.
This is real.
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